🙄 Why telling someone to “stop being such a coward and take more risks” does not work

Earlier this month, I wrote about the need for humans to belong and be liked and how even the toughest of us sometimes need to be told what we do well.

This actually has to do with the different effects of positive and negative feedback.

Far too often when we give feedback, we focus on the bad, on what needs to be done better/differently. Or if we say positive things then make the negative more palatable (the infamous s**t sandwich).

But often negative feedback does not work – or at least not as intended. Negative feedback is very effective in stopping us from doing things – which can be a good thing if you want to stop your toddler who is getting too close to the hot plate from getting burned. But it’s not helpful in getting us to start doing things, to take risks, and be creative. In general, negative feedback inhibits behavior (great to keep that toddler safe), curtails risk-taking and exploration, and, unsurprisingly, generates negative emotions.

Positive feedback on the other hand is enabling, it promotes risk-taking and exploration and motivates us. So praising small steps that go in the right direction is much more effective than telling someone that they are a chicken and need to get their act together.

The problem is that the information content of negative feedback is much higher, as it is crystal clear what you want somebody to not do anymore. “Do not go any closer to the stove” will keep your kid safe. On the other hand, giving less positive feedback will not stop your toddler from running around the kitchen.

If you encourage exploration and creativity through positive feedback, you have to live with the ambiguity that you can not prescribe what exactly the outcome will be. But maybe that is not a bad thing. After all, if you wanted your task done in exactly the same way you would do it yourself, then maybe you should not delegate it in the first place.

What are your experiences with positive vs. negative feedback? If you want to encourage me to write more like this, follow me and ideally also klick the 🔔 on my profile to see my posts in your feed 😁