Last year I read about a teacher who asked all her students to write something they like about each of the other kids in class, collected the answers and then gave each kid “their” answers. Hearing what others liked about them, gave all the kids just such a huge confidence boost.
And not just kids need confidence boosts. We sometimes forget that wanting to be liked and be accepted into a group are very fundamental human needs. Again, in the old days out in the savannah, being by yourself was potentially lethal – so it makes evolutionary sense to be liked if you do not want to end as a lion snack.
I actually did a very similar exercise to the one of that teacher myself a few years ago. At the end of a week-long training I gave at work, I put up a flipchart for every participant, handed out markers and asked the participants to write down what they like about working with each of their colleagues. And it was amazing to see what a boost this gave to everyone and how empowered they felt.
Another variation (which a colleague of mine did for a meeting last year) is to put out an envelope per participant during a multi-day meeting. She then asked people to put notes into the respective envelopes during breaks etc. stating what they appreciate about the others.
So yes, even the most tough of us (supposedly) grown-ups appreciate to be told once in a while what they do well – without and ifs and buts. And my New Year’s resolution is to do and catalyse more of that this year.
Have you been part of such an exercise before? When is the last time you received unconditionally postive feedback about what you do well?
Dr. Eva-Maria Hempe 